


At The Bridge

by demonmadej



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Canon, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, The Kissing Bridge (IT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:09:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25452178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonmadej/pseuds/demonmadej
Summary: Caught in the deadlights, nothing suddenly made any sense at all. What was he doing here? What was this all for? What was the point? Did they think that they could do this themselves? Maybe Stan had been right. Maybe this was somebody else's problem. So what, a handful of people die every 27 years, that seems fair for those who stay in Derry, right? But then he thought of Mike. Mike didn't deserve that. So why should anybody else?
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	At The Bridge

Caught in the deadlights, nothing suddenly made any sense at all. What was he doing here? What was this all for? What was the point? Did they think that they could do this themselves? Maybe Stan had been right. Maybe this was somebody else's problem. So what, a handful of people die every 27 years, that seems fair for those who stay in Derry, right? But then he thought of Mike. Mike didn't deserve that. So why should anybody else?

Richie saw all sorts of things in the lights. Horrible memories. The worst was what happened after however. The worst was what he was still thinking about now, sitting by the bridge, his clothing damp and dirty. He didn't care if anyone saw him, although no one was around. They had just saved the whole town and know it seemed like no one was here. The rest of the Losers had gone back to the hotel to pack up and go back home. Even Mike was leaving.

The pavement of the street was warm, and the breeze felt amazing on Richie's skin. Everything felt so real, more real than he had ever experienced anything. As though he had just woken up from a coma. He couldn't stop staring at the carved E in the bridge. It was hypnotic. As though it were glowing. He wanted to stare at it forever, and ever, and ever, and -

Then everything went dark again. And he could hear shouting. His body fell to the ground, a crumpled heap, lying on his back. And there was Eddie, leaning over him. And Richie couldn't bear the thought. He was still in the deadlights, and he was smart enough to think that maybe this was what It was doing, putting him on an endless loop. It was replaying exactly, and Eddie was happy to have saved him.

Richie found the adrenaline to get up despite his injuries, and body slams Eddie into the ground. It was enough to convince him he wasn't in a loop, and he wasn't in the deadlights.

"What the fuck!" Eddie shouted as they both watched as It impaled a rock close to where Eddie had been a moment before.

"Stay behind me," Richie said, but it came out hoarse and desperate.

The other Losers had regathered, and Richie couldn't believe what was happening. It had shown him a future, with only a little bit rewritten. It died the same way, being taunted and ridiculed. Why had it shown that part to Richie? He could understand the torment, of a life without Eddie, but why show IT's death?

It had to be simple. IT thought Richie would die before he could do anything about it. IT thought it could paralyze him with fear. But that fucking clown should know that he's already well versed with paralyzing fear.

Before Richie could even speak, they were already jumping off the cliff into the lake. It was all going by in a blur. Eddie was alive and was throwing a fit over being in the quarry water. Richie felt speechless. He just needed to say his name again. But it had all come back to him. The years and years of thinking. All he could do was call him Eddie. But he couldn't even say his name.He had said it a few times since being back in Derry, and each time felt like the most difficult thing to do in the whole universe. Even harder than defeating Pennywise.

"E-Eddie." Richie finally said. "Are you okay?"

The others were swimming around, enjoying themselves with their newfound freedom. Eddie, nervous, beautiful, brown-eyed Eddie, was sitting next to him on a submerged rock.

"Am I okay? Jesus christ man! Are you okay? You haven't looked the same since...since you were trapped in those fucking lights." Eddie stammered, his usual fast-talking slowing down for a few seconds.

"I...I..." And Richie started to blink, tears welling up in his eyes behind his glasses. "I saw you die."Eddie was silent for a moment. "Hey, don't worry about it. That's what It does in those lights, just like with Bev."

"No," Richie said softly, quietly. "It was just you."

"Well," Eddie said quickly, "That wasn't real. I mean, maybe it was, but it isn't anymore. We did it."

"I know," Richie whispered. "But I can't stop thinking about it."

"Of course, that's....horrible," Eddie said, looking over at Richie, who he had never seen so quiet and upset before.

"You have to understand something," Richie said through his teeth, sobs trying to escape his throat, "I need you to understand..."

"Okay," Eddie said, putting his hand on Richie's back.

"That if you had died," Richie continued, "It would have been the worst thing in the world."

Eddie furrowed his brow. "Well, hey, I'm still here so, come on, it's all fine now. It's okay."

Richie realized he hadn't looked at Eddie in the eyes during the whole conversation. He glanced over, and Eddie just seemed confused. nd Richie felt that burning shame, the kind that starts deep in your chest and engulfs your whole body. He put his head in his hands, blocking the light, and cried. Why did he still feel so awful, when Eddie was alive and well next to him?

"Oh, Richie," Eddie said, grabbing him and pulling him into a hug. "It's gonna be okay. Fuck, I mean, we should be celebrating, right?"

Richie took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He tried to shake off that familiar burning feeling of embarrassment.

This is stupid. You're so fucking stupid. This is embarrassing, get over yourself, He told himself that so often he thought of it as a personal mantra. His whole life had been about suppressing reality, and even after defeating a fucking cosmic being, he didn't feel any better about his life

"I need to show you something," Richie said, once again reverting away from Eddie's soft gaze.

"Yeah, okay," Eddie said.

Richie felt like an idiot the whole way there, the trudge out of the quarry, the climb back up to civilization, and especially when he waved to the rest of the Loser's not to follow them.

Richie put his hands in his jacket pockets. They were damp, just like they were in the lights. Eddie followed him, peeling off his soaked dark red jacket, and holding it draped in his arms. They walked in complete silence the whole way, minus the squeaking of their shoes and Richie could feel Eddie's gaze occasionally drifting over to him. He didn't have to look to know. Concerned, with a bit of judgment probably.

They made it to the kissing bridge, and Richie felt his feet lock into place at the beginning of the bridge. Eddie kept on walking when he made it to the other side and stopped. Richie felt his stomach drop.

"I'm going to divorce my wife," Eddie called from the other side.

"W-what?" Richie called back, his heart skipping a beat.

"Yeah. It's long overdue. And I realized I kinda hate my fucking life." Eddie laughed, but there was a grimace on his features.

"Oh," Richie called back, too nervous to join him on the other side. "Okay, good for you, yeah." He could swear that he heard the blood pounding in his ears.

"I'm tired of New York."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Eddie shouted. "Winters are awful there."

What the actual fuck was this conversation anyways? Richie knew that is wasn't going to lead anywhere if he didn't get the stupid courage to join Eddie. Richie sighed loudly as if expelling all of his pent up frustrations and walked over to the other side where Eddie was. "Eddie, what are you even on about, man?"

"I mean... aren't we talking about this?" Eddie asked, and he pointed to the old and hardly visible R+E.

Richie's heart was beating out of his chest. "What's that?" He laughed. "I don't get it, who's that? You and Ripsom? Well, she's been dead for thirty fucking years but I guess anything is an improvement."

"Oh," Eddie said, and he laughed, he blinked a few times, embarrassed, "I thought..." He smiled awkwardly and looked up at the sky. "Nevermind then. Where were we going?"

Richie felt like he was going to faint. What was happening? Surely, Eddie couldn't possibly have feelings for him. That seemed like too much to bear, somehow.

"Um," Richie said, feeling so goddamn stupid, "I..."

"I wonder who this was, then," Eddie said. "I could never say it, back then."

"W-why not?"

"Why not? Why do you think? Save for the fact you were also a little asshole. And it was better to have you as a friend than not at all." Eddie shrugged.

And it seemed so easy for him to say. It should be easy for Richie to say! He was the one caught in the headlights. He should have a new lease on life. He should be opening his mouth and not giving a fuck.

"How are you...able to say all of that?" Richie asked.

"Well, I almost died by a fucking psycho clown. I don't give a shit anymore about anything. And I guess because I thought-

"I wrote that." Richie blurted out.

There was silence. A breeze rustled by, and Eddie smiled softly, jacket still in his arms.

"I carved that twenty seven years ago. On my way home from Ben's hideout. Do you think you're all losers? I'm disastrously alone, unhappy, dishonest, all because of something I can't get over. Something so...stupid. I'm tired of it. Do you know how exhausting it is? Living like this? Watching other people be so open and proud? My friends in L.A. always asking me what the fuck I'm waiting for? Me begging them not to say anything? I'm tired, Eddie. So fucking tired. I'm...gay. And...I loved you." The last words were emotionless, to the point. Richie felt physically wiped.

Eddie remained silent. Then after a pause, "I wish... I wish you had told me."

"Me too," Richie said, but it came out like a whisper, getting caught in his throat on the way out. "I'm glad I can tell you now though. And that what I saw didn't become true."

Eddie smiled again, and Richie was mystified by this sudden change in his friend. It was like Eddie had nothing to lose anymore. None of the losers did. But Richie was still caught between his new life and his old one, scared to be in, and scared to be out.

"This is what you wanted to show me," Eddie said.

"Yeah, but then you beat me to it." Richie said, looking anywhere but Eddie's eyes.

"You were totally going to chicken out."

Richie snapped his head back to Eddie. "No, I fucking wasn't! I was summoning the courage, asshole! It wasn't easy."

Eddie laughed. "Richie Trashmouth Tozier can't shut the fuck up until he can."

"I'm just...I'm just so fucking confused right now," Richie said.

"Yeah."

"You...liked me?"

"I mean, yeah," Eddie said. "I didn't know it, but I knew it, you know? I remember coming across this," and Eddie kicked at the bridge. "And feeling this happiness. It was all unsaid in my mind, but still clear. I guess I didn't know how to process it. Then I got older. Got married. And I didn't think about it again until I saw you last week. At dinner. And I thought, 'oh yeah, there's that fucking guy, and oh, yeah, I kind of fucking loved him.'"

"You've got to be shitting me," Richie said.

"No," Eddie said, shaking his head. "I'm not."

"Oh my god." Richie choked, falling to his knees. "I'm still in the deadlights."

Eddie laughed, louder than he had laughed this whole time."Richie. I promise you you're not in the deadlights. I made sure of that." Eddie knelt to sit beside him.

"I don't know what to say then," Richie sniffed. "Cause I," He paused, his voice shaking, a sob coming back, "I still love you." Richie didn't want to be afraid anymore. He looked over at Eddie.

Eddie embraced him in another hug, jacket falling out of his hands and onto the ground. "Good," Eddie said, "Because I still love you too."

Richie couldn't help it. He started sobbing again. This time, however, Eddie was crying as well. "Thank you for saving me," Richie whispered.

"Sounds like you saved me as well," Eddie said softly, taking Richie's face in his hands.

Richie felt his stomach flip, he scanned Eddie's dark eyes, warm and safe. Eddie leaned in to close the gap, kissing Richie softly. Richie instinctively grabbed on to the back of Eddie's head, gripping onto his half-dried hair in his hand. It was the best kiss Richie ever had. One that he only had imagined in his wildest dreams. But this time it wasn't a dream, for it was real.

They pulled away.

"Oh god nooooo," Eddie whined.

"What?" Richie asked, concerned.

"We jumped in the lake and then kissed. Do you know the horrifying illnesses that could be born from something like that?" Eddie cried out, waving his hands around like a madman.

"Holy shit, Eddie!"

"I'm being serious."

"And stupid." Richie grinned, "You won't get a horrible infection, okay? I promise."

"I think that's up to God to promise, actually."

Richie smiled again. This anxious, nervous, mess of a person was his. And he wouldn't want it any other way.

"I guess if we're already fucked," Eddie said, "Then this doesn't really matter."Eddie grabbed Richie's face and pulled him into another kiss. It finally occurred to Eddie that this was the person he should have been kissing for the past twenty-seven years. But it was alright, they could make up for plenty of lost time.


End file.
